December 2009
37 posts
Hobo interview
Me: I have an interview with Radio One in an hour and I don't feel like taking a shower; do you think I could just go in hobo mode?
Rana: RABIH!
Me: what?
Rana: No hobo mode please.
Me: okay.
Retired bully
Me: every time I come back to Lebanon there's more and more kids boxing, it's like the new cool thing now everyone wants to be a boxer, it's great!
Bashir: shit man, it's like to get into a fight you have to think twice now, because some asshole kid might know some Chinese ass kicking art... My days as a bully are over...
Dietitian
Me: just missed another appointment because of the traffic, I hate this!
Bashir: what appointment?
Me: at my dietitian's.
Bashir: what? you're thinner than thin. why do you need a dietitian?
Me: dietitians aren't only for fat people.
Bashir: so you want to get fat?
“Look into each other! Roll it! Action!”
– Pedros Temizian
Alcoholism
Karim: [...] and then we had dinner. Without alcohol.
Me: what? Are you serious? Man that's great!!
Karim: well... just one drink.
“Dis Mr Salloum - will I see you in Beirut or now that you’re famous and...”
– Caline Chagoury
Calories
Me: [...] at least the good news is that I am losing weight.
Rana: hahaha, rou7 ya Kate Moss enta!
Paris concert
Mitra: you'd have barely anything to post on your blog if it wasn't for our conversations which you twist. AND WHEN ARE YOU PLAYING IN PARIS?
Me: when we play in Paris, I will make sure we have a bouncer at the door with your photo so they don't let you in.
??
Emanuele: Actually I kind of like Lady Gaga. I mean, I can picture myself on the tagada when I was about 11... http://www.ukrides.info/col/fairs/tagada4.JPG ... of course standing in the middle, and lady gaga, I think it s the most egocentric thing i have ever done. So now i m listening to all Lady Gaga's albums.
Me: wow man... that was very, VERY psychedelic...
Hope
Me: why are you asking me all these questions? Are you doing an interview or something? Which magazine do you work for?
Youmna: no it's not an interview! I'm just talking as much as I can, hoping I'd end up on your blog at some point...
Me: nice try.
Mystery
Me: I am writing back to the poster people, I will CC you.
Tanya: ok good. Or wait, BCC me if you like... hek shwey mysterious...
“Some cunt is defending Coldplay ripping off Krafwerk…”
– Eddie Taylor
Sad world
Mitra: you are sad for twisting my words, and twisting your own. And yes, I am sad for noticing.
Me: what a sad world...
“[…] Special guest Rabih from the band Slaughter House also sang a song....”
– Jad Hachem, extract from his review on Rama’s Whisper concert in Beirut.
Marathon shirts
Lama: moi je veux que les gens aient mon visage sur leurs t-shirt au marathon.
Me: alors il faut que tu fasses un peu d'effort pour que les gens t'aiment. Tu ne peux pas rester antipathique comme ca.
Lama: TU ES UN CHIEN MECHANT. JE NE SUIS PAS ANTIPATHIQUE.
“If you were a woman right now, I would make love to you.”
– Bassam Salloum
“Wait. Don’t talk for a minute. I need to concentrate.”
– Tanya Traboulsi
Heaven and Tea
Me: Lipton is to tea what McDonald's is to meat.
Gabriel: so you're a tea aficionado too? Or you just want to make a sly remark?
Me: no no I really am.
Gabriel: anyone who can appreciate really good tea can't be a bad person.
Me: thank you Saint Peter, will you let me in heaven now that we've established that I'm a good person?
Gabriel: I take that back. You're a douche.
“Tu viens pour notre premier anniversaire, on a un joli gateau!”
– Olivier Gasnier Duparc
Psycho stalker
Mitra: how many stalkers do you have?
Me: what? you read the last post??
Mitra: yes.
Me: I just posted it not even 30 seconds ago! Do you fresh my page every second or what?
New stalker
Lama: LIAR!
Me: what? where?
Lama: you are not married! You never wear a ring! Liar!
Me: how would you know? I was 16 last time you saw me, and no I wasn't married then so I had no ring.
Lama: but you're not wearing a ring on any of your photos!
Me: so you've looked at all my photos. Stalker.
Familiar
Carl: were you a member of Lamagra?
Me: no
Carl: were you a member of Cimmerian Path?
Me: no
Carl: that's weird... your face looks so familiar.
Me: mmm
“I can’t believe my last comment didn’t make it on your stupid blog!...”
– Gabriel Tobia